Robert Conley Buten ... hero ... lover ... legend ... Yes, in the history of Mankind there have been many great people: Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, George Washington, Bob Newhart, but never before has there been such a man as awesome as Bobby. It was spoken, by an old man I think, that one day such a person would appear and he would lead his fellow man to Phat City, well the legend was true. Bobby is that person. What separates Bobby from every other person? Is it his charming good looks, his incredible sense of humor, his creative mastermind, that really big Adam's apple on his neck, no, it something much more than that. It is something so powerful that only Bobby knows what it is. You though, are lucky, for now you shall be privileged to find out ... The History of Bobby!!!

It all began on a warm May night in 1977. Bobby took his first breath of air in a hospital in the American city of Cincinnati. At the time, it was rather obvious that this child had something special. Maybe it was the fact he came out all slimy and nasty or maybe it was something else, maybe it was just the twinkle you could see in his eye. Either way, it was obvious early on, Bobby wasn't normal. It'd be easy to say that the early years of Bobby's life were just like that of any other kid, but if you think I am going to say that then you obviously haven't been paying much attention. No, Bobby was a quick learner. His intelligence quickly passed that of the family dogs, and within a year after birth, Bobby could whip the cat in simple addition contests. Bobby didn't actually learn to talk until the age of five, but it is thought he had been meditating ever since birth due to the intellectual grimace always present on his childish face. Bobby's early years were somewhat rough though, during potty training, Bobby would often mistake the cat's litter box for the toilet causing his mother to falsely believe young Bobby was eating rocks and having them pass through his digestive system. Also, little Bobby constantly would forget he was a child and demand to file his own taxes. Luckily, for the world's sake, as Bobby grew older he became much more knowledgeable. Bobby then began the ritual of schooling.

It was obvious at first that Bobby could not be put in a school with just average other children. No, the children would quickly figure out how much greater Bobby was than they were and be forced to kill themselves, so Bobby's parents enrolled Bobby in a school for the blind. Now don't get me wrong, Bobby wasn't blind, but all the other schools were full. This unplanned event surprisingly enhanced Bobby. Bobby learned to think with his mind and not rely too heavily on his eyes. The only downside to the blind school experiment was Bobby picked up the bad habit of walking into things and not looking where he was going. To further the development of Bobby he was moved from the blind school to a public high school. At first, there was a great controversy and then Bobby started wearing clothes to school and everything was settled. Bobby excelled in the mathematics and sciences but had difficulty with the language arts. As we now know, though, language arts are extremely unimportant and have no place in everyday living. Bobby eventually left high school after blessing the faculty there with six hard felt years. Now the world was Bobby's oyster. It was time to give the world a little taste of what they had been missing. So, Bobby sat down one cold October afternoon and did what he thought would be the greatist thing possible, he wrote The History of Bobby...