Robert Conley Buten ... the man behind the legend. A long time ago, a very wise old man decreed that some day a chosen one would rise among his people and lead them to the promise land. Until that day comes, we still luckily have the ever popular superhuman Bobby! Bobby is the pride soldiers show when they are returning home from battle victorious. Bobby is the turkey served every Thanksgiving. Bobby is the location of the fifty-first state's capital. Bobby is that film that forms on hot soup when you leave it sit too long. Yes, when it comes down to it, Bobby is everything. There is nothing that isn't in some way Bobby. That is except maybe soccer. So sit back, pull up a chair, put on a bib, open up an Ale 8 and get ready, for finally it is time for ... The History of Bobby!!!

It has been noted, by some girl no doubt, that women usually mature much quicker than boys. That philosophy, however, cannot be applied to Bobby. Bobby was a quick learner, mentally and physically, and as any physically mature person knows, once you reach a certain stage in your development you start to acquire tastes that were before considered rather awful. Yes, it even happened to Bobby, he began to enjoy brushing his teeth. As a child and early adolescent Bobby was forced to brush his teeth every night before going to bed, dreading every second of it. He knew, though, if he didn't, his biannual trips to the dentist would be less than pleasant. As Bobby began to become an adult, though, the brushing took on new meaning. The trill of having a spectacular smile and pink, rosy gums couldn't be compared to anything. This was a confusing time in Bobby's life and he felt ashamed of brushing. He began sneaking into the bathroom at night after everyone was asleep and he'd brush and brush until he couldn't brush no more. Sometimes when he'd use up all the toothpaste, he'd just brush with soap or plain water, just to get the thrill. It got so bad that around his graduation from high school, Bobby was brushing up to three times a day, once after every meal. Bobby's father having gone through the same changes himself knew Bobby's problem. One day he finally had to sit Bobby down and give him a talk. He told Bobby how having teeth was a privilege and that brushing once and a while was okay but overdoing it only asked for trouble. Bobby was curious as to if girls brushed their teeth too and his father reassured him that even though not everyone will admit to it, at least once in their life, everyone has given their teeth a fine cleaning. After his talk with his father, Bobby's brushing became much more regular. He began to treat his toothbrush with a little more respect. Bobby became a man.

Once Bobby settled down into manhood his focus turned away from hygiene and toward the opposite sex. Bobby noticed his friends began to talk and brag about how many girls they had bumped into or brushed against and this made Bobby a little jealous. Yes, even people as amazing as Bobby get jealous, I mean look at John Travolta, who isn't jealous of his cool butt-chin? Well Bobby decided he needed something to brag about to his buddies so he went to a cantaloupe carving sideshow freak to ask for advice. The freak told Bobby that if he wanted to impress his friends, which is pretty much the only reason to get involved with women at all, he would need to bang a few. After, leaving the freak's trailer, Bobby realized he hadn't asked what he was suppose to bang the girls with. He decided to use the only thing that he really held dear to his heart, his toothbrush. Well Bobby was a quick learner and before too long his toothbrush went back to being used only as a tooth brushing instrument. Bobby was, however, the first of his friends to receive his first kiss, but not counting his grandma, it would still be several more years before even that was accomplished by the Bobster.